|Santa Singh Banta Singh Jokes
Santa Singh's new Ferarri
Santa singh shows up at his friend Banta Singh's Place in a Brand New - Red Ferarri.
Banta: Wow Banta, ke gaddi hai (What a car)Kithon laiye (where did you get it from)
Santa:Main highway te lift mung reha se ... Gori Mem aaee te meine kende "want a ride Mr. Singh" I hopped in, and she took me to the woods. Once in woods she got outside took off clothes and said to me "Mr Singh. take anything"
Banta is quite excited and asks "tu ke keeta Santa "
Santa: Mian gaddi lai layee. (I took the car)
Banta: Changa keeta kapde tenu fit bhi nahi aane se (good showyou wouldn't have fit into her clothes)
Side A or Side B
Once Santa Singh and Banta Singh were going in a jungle, Suddenly they saw one tiger comming towards them. To save themselves they climbed a tree and both sat on one branch. The tiger came under the tree and sat down. Santa told Banta " Yaar just to pass Time Why don't you sing some song" Banta Singh started to sing. After singing four songs Banta hanged upside down on the branch and then again sung four songs. After singing all the songs he Banta came back to his original position. Santa asked curiosly "Yaar Bantya, You sung four songs sitting in upright position and next four songs you sat upside down, Why did you do that?" Banta told " Yaar First four songs were from side A and the other four were from Side B"
Where exactly in Lesbia
Santa Singh and Banta singh are sitting in a bar sipping Black Label Johnny walker when Banta singh noticed a gorgeous blonde sitting by herself in a corner. As he was getting up to talk to her. Bar Tender said "Hey don't worry about her, She is lesbian! ". Banta singh "Lesbian or no lesbian, I get all of them" Then leaping forward in a very sexy voice he said "Where exactly in Lesbia, you from?"
The Sardarji Letter
Letterfrom mother to son Santa Singh. Pyare Puttar, Vahe Guru. I am writing this letter slow, because I know you can't read fast. We do not live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I wont be able to send you the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the numbers with them for their next house, so they would not have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I am not sure it works too well. Last week I put 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since then. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained 3 days, and the second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. We got another bill from the funeral home. It said if we don't make the last payment on grandma's funeral, he will come up again. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting grass at the cemetery . Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it's a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your uncle Jatinder fell in a whisky vat. Some men tried pulling him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. There is not much more news this time. Nothing much has happened. LoveMom. P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.
Banta Singh on 10th Floor
Take me to the 10th floor,' said Banta Singh as he entered the lift of a high rise building. When the lift reached its destination, the liftman opened its gates and said, 'The 10th floor, beta.'
'Why did you call me beta?' demanded Banta Singh. 'I am not your son.'
'I called you beta because I brought you up,' replied the liftman. .
"I'm going on vacation . Could you suggest a thrilling crime story ?" Santa asks to Banta. "Here this one is so suspenseful you won't be able to put it down" replies Banta. "only on the last page do you find out that the gardener did it".
Santa meets Banta
Santa: "so have you moved to a new house"
Santa: "Why not? You advertised to sell your old house, didn't you?"
Banta: "Yes, but when I read the ad, I realized it was just the home I was looking for!".
One day a sardarji was sitting in his office on the
thirteenth floor building when a man came running in
to his office and shouted "Santa Singh your daughter
Preeto just died in an accident" Sardarji was in
panic.Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office
window. While coming down when he was near the tenth
floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named
Preeto. When he was near the fifth floor he remembered
he was not married.When he was about to hit the ground
he remembered he was not Santa Singh.
Santa singh Relaxing
One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK.A lady
came and asked him, " Are you relaxing" Sardar
answered '" No I am Banta Singh" Another Guy Came and
asked! ! ! ! the same Question. Sardar answered " No No Me
! Banta Singh" Third one came and asked the same
question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to
shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar
enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you
Relaxing?" The other Sardar was much educated and
answered "Yes I am relaxing. The Sardar slapped him on
his face and said "Idiot, Sab tere Ko wahahn dhoond
rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai."
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" (Why do you take these things with you?). Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun" (If the stupid train comes late, I will die of hunger!)
Santa Singh got his promotion and become an officer in Punjab Government. To keep up with his status, he decided to speak only in English to all his subordinates. One morning, his peon peeped through the door to see if his boss was busy. Santa Singh noticed him and shouted, 'Why are you outstanding! Please income.'
Santa Singh : 'Look Banta, what type of glasses they have made.
The top is closed. How can you fill lassi in it ?'
Banta Singh : 'Yes, that's funny. And even if you make a hole at the top, how will
the lassi stay in the glass when the bottom is open?'
Sardarji ( to doctor ) : 'Doctor, I have a problem.'
Doctor : 'What's your problem?'
Sardarji : 'I keep forgetting things.'
Doctor : 'Since when do you have this problem?'
Sardarji : 'What problem?'
Empty and Full Disks
Santa and Banta work in a software company. One day, they were to move their m/cs to another building. Santa was having a tough time carrying his machine.
Santa : "My m/c has 500 MB disk.
See how easily I am carrying it. Yours has just 250 MB.
Can't you carry even this much?"
Banta : "But yours is empty and my disk is full"!!!
Banta Singh went to eat in ramshackle hotel. To his surprise the waiter who came to serve him happened to be one of his classmate at school. Banta called him and said 'Aren't you ashamed of working in a seedy joint like this?'
'Not at all,' replied the classmate. 'I would be ashamed if I ate my meal here. I only work in this place.'
Test a Sardar
A policeman was testing 3 Singh brothers who were training to become
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the
first Singh a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your
suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The first Singh answers, "That`s easy, we`ll catch him fast because he only
has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh.. .that`s because the picture I
showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for
5 seconds at the second Singh and asks him, "This is your suspect, how
would you recognize him?"
The second Singh smiles and says, "Ha! He`d be too easy
to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds,
"What`s the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are
showing because it`s a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer
you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third Singh
and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer." The Singh
looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears
contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he
really doesn`t know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well,
that`s aninteresting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and
I`ll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his
office,checks the suspect`s file in his computer, and comes back with a
beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can`t believe it. It`s TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact
lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation? "
"That`s easy," the Singh replied. "He can`t wear regular glasses because he
only has one eye and one ear."